Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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