I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
