So drunk its hurt
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
