I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
