i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
