I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
