thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
