ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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