I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Even my vagina gasped.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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