At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
