The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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