When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Is it penis luge time yet?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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