They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
