I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
