your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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