She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
