This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
