If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
