Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
