I want to make a zoo with you.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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