fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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