She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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