Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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