pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
