Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
