he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
