Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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