After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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