is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
