good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
