i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
