Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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