I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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