When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
