is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
