nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
