i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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