the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
