I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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