sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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