My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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