How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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