Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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