hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
