the condom got lost in my hair
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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