i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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