He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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