"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
