when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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