sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
