I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
