The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
