we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
